B stands for Belief, D for Dispute, and A for Answer
DEMANDINGNESS
Demands in the form of questions
B HOW DARE they say that about me?
A EASILY!
B HOW COULD they say something like that?
A EASILY!
Demands of others
B They HAVE TO (SHOULD, NEED TO) do what I tell them to
D Why do they HAVE TO (NEED TO) do what you tell them to?
They HAVE TO (NEED TO), or you just WANT them to?
A They don’t HAVE TO do what I tell them to
They don’t HAVE TO, I just WANT them to
They don’t HAVE TO do anything
B They CAN’T (SHOULDN’T) talk to me like that
D What CAN’T they talk to you like that?
They CAN’T, or you just don’t want them to?
A They CAN talk to me like that
They CAN, I just don’t WANT them to
They CAN do whatever they want to
Demands of Self
B I HAVE TO get this done
D Why do you HAVE TO?
You HAVE TO, or just WANT TO?
A I don’t HAVE TO
I don’t HAVE TO, I just WANT TO
I don’t HAVE TO do anything
B I CAN’T let them get away with that
D Why CAN’T you let them get away with that?
You CAN’T, or just don’t WANT TO?
A I CAN let them get away with that
I CAN, I just don’t WANT TO
I CAN do whatever I want to
Demands of Life
B This CAN’T (SHOULDN’T) be happening to me
D Why CAN’T this be happening to you?
It CAN’T be, or you just don’t WANT it to be?
A It CAN be happening to me (It is)
It CAN, I just don’t WANT it to ber
B It SHOULD (HAS TO) be easier than this
Why does it HAVE TO be easier?
It HAS TO be easier, or you just WANT it to be?
A It doesn’t HAVE TO be easier
It doesn’t HAVE TO be, I just WANT it to be
B I NEED that
D Why do you NEED that?
You NEED that, or just WANT it?
You NEED air, water and food. You’ll die in minutes, days or weeks without them.
Do you NEED that like you need air, water and food?
Are you going to die if you don’t get that?
A I don’t NEED that
I don’t NEED that, I just WANT it
I’m not going to die if I don’t get that
I don’t NEED it, it would just be nice to have
The goal of these questions is not to get you to NOT CARE. It’s simply to get you to turn your Think thermostat down a notch, from NEED-NECESSITY-DEMAND to WANT-PREFER-DESIRE.
AWFULIZING
B It’s AWFUL that they said that about me
D Why is it so AWFUL?
Is it AWFUL, or just UNPLEASANT?
Is it AWFUL, or just INCONVENIENT?
Is it AWFUL, or just UNCOMFORTABLE?
A It’s not AWFUL, it’s just UNPLEASANT
It’s not AWFUL, it’s just INCONVENIENT
It’s not AWFUL, it’s just UNCOMFORTABLE
Again, the goal is not to get you to NOT CARE about what’s happening. It’s simply to get you to turn your Think thermostat down a notch, from AWFUL to UNPLEASANT, INCONVENIENT or UNCOMFORTABLE.
CAN’T STAND IT-ITIS
B I CAN’T STAND when that happens
D Why CAN’T you STAND it?
You CAN’T STAND IT, or just DON’T LIKE IT?
A I CAN STAND it
I CAN STAND it, I just DON’T LIKE it
Again, the goal is not to get you to NOT CARE. It’s simply to get you to turn your Think thermostat down a notch, from CAN’T STAND IT to DON’T LIKE IT
LABELING AND DAMNING
B They’re IDIOTS for doing that
D They’re IDIOTS, or just did an idiotic thing?
They’re IDIOTS, or just did something you didn’t like?
They’re IDIOTS, or just fallible human beings like the rest of us?
A They’re not IDIOTS just because of that
They’re not IDIOTS, they just did an idiotic thing
They’re not IDIOTS, they just did something I didn’t like
They’re not IDIOTS, they’re just fallible human beings like the rest of us
You can pose the same type of questions when you LABEL AND DAMN yourself
Again, the goal is not to get you to not care about what you or others have done. It’s simply to get you to turn your Think thermostat down a notch, from LABELINGS AND DAMNING THE PERSON to simply DISLIKING THE BEHAVIOR
With practice and rehearsal posing these questions will become automatic and function in your brain like grammar check on a computer. This will help you keep your Think thermostat down or turn it down quickly should it go up.
