A picture is worth a thousand words. The Think-Feel-Do Thermostat Model is a simple but effective visual to help people see:
- Where they are emotionally and behaviorally at any given moment
- The cognitive (thought) reasons they are where they are
- Where they might want to be emotionally and behaviorally instead
- What it will take cognitively (thinking wise) to get there
The FEEL (emotional) Thermostat
- The emotions in the diagram below are quantitatively and qualitatively different.
- In determining the functionality of emotions, we always look at the frequency, intensity and duration of emotions. We can range from a low FID to a high FID
- People can be CALM, feel CONCERN or experience ANXIETY
- They can be CALM, feel FRUSTRATION, IRRITATION and ANNOYANCE, or experience ANGER
- They can be CALM, feel SADNESS, or experience DEPRESSION
- They can be CALM or indifferent, feel REGRET and REMORSE, or experience SHAME and GUILT
High FID
ANXIETY Low FID |
High FID
ANGER Low FID |
High FID
DEPRESSION Low FID |
High FID
SHAME, GUILT Low FID |
High FID
CONCERN
Low FID |
High FID
FRUSTRATION IRRITATION ANNOYANCE Low FID |
High FID
SADNESS
Low FID |
High FID
REGRET. REMORSE
Low FID |
Low FID
CALM High FID |
Low FID
CALM High FID |
Low FID
CALM High FID |
Low FID
CALM High FID |
The FEEL – DO (behavioral) Thermostat Model
- Responsible (response-able) means being able to RESPOND to life situations and challenges in the best possible way, a way that makes life better for all concerned
- If we have little emotion or energy to move, we are not motivated to act
- As our FEEL (emotional) thermostat goes up, we are increasingly likely to REACT to life events rather than RESPOND to the in the best possible way.
- There are two ways to make a situation you don’t like worse, DO NOTHING and OVERREACT to it. People too often do the latter.
—————————— FEEL ——————————————— ——— DO ———
ANXIETY | ANGER | DEPRESSION | SHAME
GUILT |
OVERREACT
REACT |
CONCERN
|
FRUSTRATION
IRRITATION ANNOYANCE |
SADNESS | REGRET
REMORSE |
RESPOND |
CALM | CALM | CALM | CALM | DO NOTHING |
- DEPRESSION, SHAME and GUILT may not seem like energy to move, but they have the same effect on behavior that ANXIETY and ANGER do – they cause people to be more REACTIVE and makes them less RESPONSE-ABLE
The THINK (cognitive) Thermostat
- We can NOT CARE about something, WANT, PREFER or DESIRE it, or think we NEED it, it’s a NECESSITY, and DEMAND it
- We can NOT CARE about something, think it’s UNPLEASANT, INCONVENIENT or UNCOMFORTABLE to some degree, or think it’s AWFUL
- We can NOT CARE about something, NOT LIKE IT, or think we CAN’T STAND IT
- We can NOT CARE about someone else’s or our own behavior, DISLIKE THE BEHAVIOR, or LABEL AND DAMN THE PERSON
- For each philosophical position we can range from “sort of” to “really”
———————————————– Think —————————————————-
Really
NEED NECESSITY DEMAND Sort of |
Really
AWFUL
Sort of |
Really
CAN’T STAND IT Sort of |
Really
LABEL AND DAMN THE PERSON Sort of |
Really
WANT PREFER DESIRE Sort of |
Really
UNPLEASANT INCONVENIENT UNCOMFORTABLE Sort of |
Really
DON’T LIKE IT Sort of |
Really
DISLIKE THE BEHAVIOR Sort of |
Sort of
DON’T CARE Really |
Sort of
DON’T CARE Really |
Sort of
DON’T CARE Really |
Sort of
DON’T CARE Really |
The Think-Feel-Do Thermostat Model
NEED
NECESSITY DEMAND |
AWFUL | CAN’T
STAND IT |
LABEL AND
DAMN THE PERSON |
ANGER | OVERREACT
REACT |
WANT
PREFERENCE DESIRE |
UNPLEASANT
INCONVENIENT UNCOMFORTABLE |
DON’T
LIKE IT |
DISLIKE
THE BEHAVIOR |
FRUSTRATION
IRRITATION ANNOYANCE |
RESPOND |
DON’T CARE | DON’T CARE | DON’T CARE | DON’T CARE | CALM | DO NOTHING |
NEED
NECESSITY DEMAND |
AWFUL | CAN’T
STAND IT |
LABEL AND
DAMN THE PERSON |
ANXIETY | OVERREACT
REACT |
WANT
PREFERENCE DESIRE |
UNPLEASANT
INCONVENIENT UNCOMFORTABLE |
DON’T
LIKE IT |
DISLIKE
THE BEHAVIOR |
CONCERN | RESPOND |
DON’T CARE
|
DON’T CARE | DON’T CARE | DON’T CARE | CALM | DO NOTHING |
NEED
NECESSITY DEMAND |
AWFUL | CAN’T
STAND IT |
LABEL AND
DAMN THE PERSON |
DEPRESSION | OVERREACT
REACT |
WANT
PREFERENCE DESIRE |
UNPLEASANT
INCONVENIENT UNCOMFORTABLE |
DON’T
LIKE IT |
DISLIKE
THE BEHAVIOR |
SADNESS | RESPOND |
DON’T CARE
|
DON’T CARE | DON’T CARE | DON’T CARE | CALM | DO NOTHING |
NEED
NECESSITY DEMAND |
AWFUL | CAN’T
STAND IT |
LABEL AND
DAMN THE PERSON |
SHAME
GUILT |
OVERREACT
REACT |
WANT
PREFERENCE DESIRE |
UNPLEASANT
INCONVENIENT UNCOMFORTABLE |
DON’T
LIKE IT |
DISLIKE
THE BEHAVIOR |
REGRET
REMORSE |
RESPOND |
DON’T CARE
|
DON’T CARE | DON’T CARE | DON’T CARE | CALM | DO NOTHING |
Key Points
- We have more control over our FEEL and DO thermostats than we realize
- The key to getting control over our FEEL and DO thermostats is learning to control our THINK thermostats
- Becoming AWARE of and ACCEPTING where we are cognitively is the first step
- Taking ACTION to set our Think thermostat where we want them to be is the next step